I'm just about ready to face 2008. Yes, I think I'm a bit behind, but really thoughts of 2008 and that it is a new year according to the Calendar on my wall have only just become a reality.
In case you haven't noticed...I'm really good at critique. I can find imperfection at the drop of a hat. What I am terrible at is picking up the hat and looking inside at the small perfections. A busker who loves what they do gets out there and performs to enjoy her art. When the hat gets passed around, it can't be the total amount that's in there that counts...that would be too depressing especially in a country that doesn't value the arts as much as others...but each shiny coin is a little perfect thank you someone took unplanned time out of their day to be your audience and took the time to fish out some coins or perhaps more to throw in the hat. I need to stop my show and look in the hat every once in a while.
So I've decided to make myself a list of things that I need to come to terms with maybe right now, or this week, this month, this year, dare I say this decade?
I need to come to terms with the reality that:
I can't get as much done in a day than I did before....and that's okay.
I can't take on how the kids feel when they are hurt or experiencing an "out-of-control" tantrum. I need not feel their pain, but help the through it and be there for them at the other end. (this is very hard...Dad..this is your genes!)
I can't take on how the adults in my life feel when they are going through minor or major difficult times. I can offer help, and be there for themon the other end.
It is a good thing for me to slow down and that doesn't make me lazy it makes me realistic.
Despite the fact that stress is self-imposed, I can't especially control it at this point in my life (with this amount of sleep deprivation). What I can do, is control how I respond to it.
I need to take baby steps with everything right now...and that is okay. I can save my leaps and bounds for ballet class and "living room balls" with Henry and Isabelle.
I don't need to be understood by everyone around me. I just need to have faith in myself.
That's all for now. I'm sure I have more to add, but that's what this evening has to offer. A final thought, that I taught myself (or rather learned from my many teachers, my mom, Mrs. Hopkins at KW Bilingual School, Kathleen at Carousel Dance, M. Joanis at KW Bilingual school) when I was about 12 is never to compare oneself to others. Somehow I've lost that focus. I'm not a "keeping up with the Joneses" type person, but I still am very competitive and I've forgotten that I'm my best competitor and my most real.
So....February...here we come.
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